Sometimes it feels like “divorced” and “childless” are dirty words. To be fair, I’m 41 years old, and most of my girlfriends are married with families. Even my few friends that are divorced have children. That was not my path. When my marriage ended, luckily my ex-husband and I had not yet had children. I say “luckily” not because I did not want kids — I did and in many ways I still do — but because I do not want to be tied to my ex, nor he to me. I was able to move 3,000 miles away once my divorce was finalized without answering to him, like I would have had to if we had a custody agreement. 

Something I was unprepared for in the wake of my divorce was how difficult it would be to find age-appropriate, single, female friends. Here are some ways I have had success meeting interesting and likeminded new friends, single or not:

1. Show up – it sounds simple, but the number one way to meet people is to put yourself in situations where you can meet others. Isolating won’t do that for you. 
2. Volunteer – find a cause or causes that are important to you, and find an organization that embodies your beliefs about said cause. And, assuming they are taking on new volunteers, sign up. And then practice #1: show up. 
3. Exercise – Join a gym, if you can afford one, or find a local club for your movement of choice (running, walking, yoga, Tai chi, whatever). Meetup is a good place to start. 
4. Seek Camaraderie – Did you go to a college with a football team? Are you in a community with a sports team people root for? Whether or not you are not a sports fan, there is something intoxicating about a group of humans cheering for the same event that is unifying and uplifting, even if your team, like mine (the Miami Hurricanes), always breaks your heart. We’ve always got next year!
5. Walk your dog (or borrow a friend’s dog to walk) – in my experience, the dog park is an awesome place to meet neighbors and to make new friends 
6. Focus on Local – Get involved in the neighborhood in which you live. Go to a city/town meeting. Find your local farmers market. Stroll around your community park. 
7. Push Yourself – even if you are an introvert, push yourself to try one thing on this list at least once a week. Do this for a couple of months and report back to me in the comments!

Remember: everyone wants to make good friends. Almost every adult I know is looking for more friends. And I am sure you will agree: the best way to make a good friend is to be a good friend. So be honest and be trustworthy and be kind. Looking for someone to chat with and practice on? DM me on Instagram and let’s talk! I love making new friends in real life, as well as online!

Here are some items that might help with community building:

Dog harness, collar, leash: Take your furry friend to your local dog park

Waterpik Toothbrush: keep your pearly whites pearly white, and keep your breath fresh and clean!

Walking shoes: Explore your neighborhood on foot.

Invite your friends for a picnic at the park or at the beach: Picnic/Beach Blanket

Creating a resume has one purpose only: to get you an interview.  

With that in mind, there are many reasons why having a solid resume is absolutely imperative to getting a job.  One of the most common mistakes I see people make is to use their resume as an exhaustive list of their roles and responsibilities.  I’m going to tell you something very important: no one reads your entire resume.  I repeat:  NO ONE READS YOUR ENTIRE RESUME. I know this, because not only have I interviewed many candidates in my career, but I have confirmed this with many recruiters from entry-level to the owner of the recruiting agency. Thus, you must be very strategic about the information that you do include.  Here are 6 tips on how to create a functional resume while best utilize this space, including types of resume sections you will want to create:

Add a Skills section.  This section is used differently than the way we used to use it in the past.  When we were first starting our careers, we probably added things to this section such as Microsoft Word, Excel, etc.  This is the wrong use of this section (you can add a separate Technology section elsewhere to show your software experience).  Instead, you want to include transferable skills sets here.  Transferable skills are those that you have gained from your previous work experience that could be transferred from job to job.  Some examples would be: project management, data analysis, revenue growth, digital strategy, relationship building, brand partnerships, etc.  This section does two things:  

Put top achievements in the first few bullet points.  Depending on the situation, you may need to write a combination of achievements and responsibilities to show that you have the experience necessary to do the job. These bullet points should be relevant to the job you’re applying for.  If that is the case, make sure you put your achievements FIRST.  Also, if you have any measurable achievements (e.g. generated $1M increase in revenue, or hit quarterly goal by 200%), put those at the very top of the bulleted list.

Add any measurable figures to the beginning of the sentence, not the end.  I often see sentences structured like this:  “Built relationships and streamlines processes resulting in 300% QoQ growth.”  Instead, put the number at the beginning of the sentence to catch the reader’s eye: “Generated 300% QoQ growth through relationship building and streamlining processes.”  

Use your Summary section to tell people things they wouldn’t necessarily glean by reading your resume.  You never want to insult someone’s intelligence by summarizing things they can learn by scanning your resume.  Also, cover letters are almost never required (or read) anymore.  Thus, the Summary section is a great opportunity to write a mini-sales pitch for yourself at the top of the page. 

Include details that can cause the user to relate to you.  Even though you are summarizing your experience, you should always include details that can catch the reader’s eye and curiosity.  For example, saying “I worked on reducing tobacco use in foreign countries” is different from saying “I worked on reducing tobacco use in China, India, and Russia.”  Perhaps the reader is from one of these countries and they are eager to understand what you did to reduce tobacco use in these areas.  This could get them to reach out to you immediately for an interview.

Lauren Stearley is an Ad Tech Specialist, resume and career coach, and writer living in Brooklyn, New York.

Follow Lauren on Instagram: @stearlgirl

The importance of routine

I am embarrassed to admit this: until I was 40 years old, I never made my bed. When I grew up, it was not a chore that was instilled in either my brother or I. I never thought making my bed was an important act. Honestly, even as an adult, it never occurred to me that I should make my bed in the morning. But when the events of 2020 caused us all to take a pause on our current lives, something inside of me shifted. I recently separated from my now ex-husband, and knew I needed to make some changes. For me, change began with something small. It began with routine.

In March of 2020, I, along with the rest of the country, were collectively forced to stay indoors. After it became clear that this new way of life would not simply last a couple of days, and because I’d also lost my job, I decided to use my newfound free time to try to break some old, unhealthy patterns. I wrote in my journal that I was going to change my routine and have actively spent the last almost 2 years trying to do just that.

One morning soon after I woke up and made my bed. I don’t know why that was the morning I decided to make a change, but I know that I have made my bed every single morning since. There were days, especially in the spring of 2020, when I did not want to get out of bed until after 10 AM. Even on those days, when the desire to sleep was overwhelming, I still woke up, put my feet on the ground, opened my blinds to let in the morning sunlight, and made my bed. During those days I learned so much about myself and the types of things I should push myself to do, as well as the things I was allowed to simply say NO to, that didn’t support the person I wanted to become.

How routines help you stay strong

The morning after I found out, through social media, that my ex-husband had quickly jumped into a new, serious relationship, I woke up, stood up, opened my blinds, and made my bed. A few months later, the morning after a kind friend told me (so I wouldn’t have to find out from social media this time) that my ex-husband’s new girlfriend was pregnant, I woke up, stood up, opened my blinds, and made my bed.

The morning after I had my heart broken for the first time since I had split with my husband, I woke up, still puffy-eyed, planted my feet on the tiles, grounded myself, let the San Diego sunlight in through my windows, and made my bed.

I liked the habit so much that I bought myself new beautiful sheets from Brooklinen and added a splash of color with some lavender sheets.

Sticking with your new routine

They say it takes 21 days to form a new habit. I am not sure when making my bed stopped being something I had to remember to do and became automatic. But a year and a half later, no matter the weather, no matter the city, no matter the circumstance, I make my bed every morning. And when I climb into my beautiful bed at night, I am so grateful to Leigh from that morning for being kind to future Leigh.

I challenge you to be kind to your future self by forming a new habit starting today. Make it something simple, and hold yourself accountable. But no excuses. Do it every day, rain or shine, happy or sad, busy or not. Give yourself the gift of accountability and change in the coming new year and always. And remember to be kind to yourself. Because unless and until you’re kind to yourself, it’s nearly impossible to be kind to others. And in my experience, kindness is the greatest gift you can give to anyone, including yourself.

Beautiful linens to help you get excited about making your bed!

This past year, my focus was on saying yes. I said yes to events and experiences and opportunities that previously would have caused me so much anxiety and stress that I would have said No. In the moments when I most wanted to say no, I said Yes. 

Four Ways Learning to Say NO Builds Self Confidence

• When you keep your word you build trust. Self trust is the foundation of creating your own safe space and becoming self-reliant.
• Building integrity by learning to keep promises even when you don’t feel like following through.
• Putting yourself in new situations that allow you to expand your network and friend circle.
• Tuning into your natural intuition and learning to translate your “gut” feelings.

I said yes to volunteering at my high school one Saturday afternoon. I remember I woke up that morning really dreading my commitment. But I knew I had to honor it. Honoring that commitment — which turned out to be a fun and fulfilling experience — led to my reconnecting with a friend from high school I hadn’t seen in years. Honoring commitments to yourself builds self-trust, strengthens your intuition and gives you a boost of confidence.

Months later, I attended the Susan G. Komen walk with this high school friend because breast cancer eradication is an important cause to him. The morning of the walk, I again wanted to bail. But I didn’t. I had said yes, and I like being a woman who keeps her word. I chose to be the honorable version of me that day. I like holding myself accountable because keeping my own promises gives me the self-assurance I used to need from other people to be brave. When I can give that confidence to myself I become unstoppable. At the walk, I met a woman who has since become a dear friend. She is also single and in her 40s, and she introduced me to other single women in their 40s, a demographic I never realized existed, let alone existed in such abundance!

Who else loves pink? Here are some cute ways to wear pink (the official Breast Cancer Awareness color) it all year long!

Saying yes sounds simple, but it is quite complex. It requires being responsible and accountable. It requires battling inner demons that tell me things like “no one would miss you if you didn’t show up” and “you’re not good enough” and “you’re not pretty enough” and “you’re not successful enough.” It requires trusting myself — something I will continue working towards for all my days. Every time I keep my commitments to myself, my word and my friends, I become the woman I want to be.

Saying Yes has been the best thing I have ever done for myself. I have met new people and experienced Miami in ways I might not have if left to my own devices. 

So say Yes! See where it takes you. 

No is even more complicated than Yes. I tend to be a people pleaser, so I say Yes to things that benefit others, but don’t benefit me. For me, saying no is much more daunting than saying yes. I worry about hurting feelings or disappointing others. I worry about missing out, that old proverbial “fear of missing out.” I became so proficient at saying yes this year that I had almost forgotten the value of no.

Earlier this year, I went on a first date that was so uncomfortable, awkward, strange, and borderline scary, that I realized maybe the idea of saying yes to new experiences and opportunities needed to be refined to keep me safe and happy. I realized there were going to be times when yes was not the right answer. There were going to be times, like when that guy had asked me out, and I had said yes even though he already made me a bit squeamish, where I should say no instead. How was I going to differentiate between the times when I should push myself to say yes and when I should push myself to say no? I realized that I had no idea.

If you ever find yourself in an uncomfortable situation, here are some simple and inexpensive self defense options:

And if you’re waiting for me to tell you how I have figured out how to differentiate between those moments, I’m sorry to disappoint you, but, in many ways, I still have no idea. I have learned to listen to my gut. My head gets overly fixated on rationalization, and my heart, while pure, has many times led me astray. But my gut is both fearless and flawless. Learning to listen to her, and to separate what she is telling me from what my head and my heart are telling me, continues to be one of the most important knowledge quests of my life. What I have learned about my intuition, and how I continue to learn how to trust my intuition, and to learn what my intuition is and where in my body she lives, is fodder for a separate blog post (or posts).

But for now, I will say this: there is a sensation I get behind my belly button that feels a little bit like someone is wringing out the wet towel of my soul. It is both incredibly satisfying and incredibly uncomfortable. That place and that feeling is what I know to be my gut. I am not saying that anyone else will feel that same sensation when their gut is trying to tell them something. But that’s how I know. Sometimes, I ignore that feeling, ignore the urge to turn around, and instead continue along the path I’m on. But I almost always regret it when I do.

Our guts are unencumbered by emotion and other outside influences. Our guts are pure. The world teaches you to ignore your intuition. Unlearn that lesson. Intuition is the one thing you can always count on to be true and right. 

So say yes. Say no. Honor yourself by learning how to be kind to your future self by RSVP-ing the right way for you. Join me in making 2022 The Year of No. “No” is a 2 letter word. 2022, a year with three 2’s, seems like the perfect year for this particular experiment. 

So let’s say No, together. Let’s say no to the things and people and places that do not bring us joy. Let’s let go of “should”. And let’s do it without FOMO!

Some of my favorite resources for learning how to say no graciously and without FOMO:

I wanted to say yes to experiences and opportunities that I might have previously said no to because they are outside my comfort zone, make me anxious, or are inconvenient, either time-wise or geographically. 

So I started saying yes. And I said yes a lot.

I said yes to meeting with a retail consultant, even though family members told me I was wasting my time.They were wrong. Although I did not end up opening a brick and mortar store, through this consultant I made contacts that have helped me on my current path of working as a stylist and launching this website and blog (plus more dreams, coming to reality soon – stay tuned!).

I said yes to volunteer opportunities, dates, stand up paddle boarding, beach days, and experiences. I said yes to photo exhibits, restaurant openings, walks with friends, classes, and trips down to Homestead (for those not from Miami, Homestead is an hour south of my neighborhood) to buy plants, orchids, and gardening accoutrements. I said yes to dog park play dates and dinners with new neighbors and to watching my beloved Miami Hurricanes football team lose with friends. I said yes to yoga classes and I said yes to group meditations. I said yes to someone who wanted to try Reiki on me from afar. I said yes to learning about how to manage my finances, an area in which I was and still am woefully inept, especially for my age. I said yes to Bar Mitzvahs and weddings, even though I would be attending alone. I even said yes to experiences in Broward county, which, if you know anything about Miami, is probably the most outside my comfort zone I have been in a long time. 

I said yes to joining a local writing co-op, and then I said yes to a lot of creative writing classes. In one of those, a songwriting class, I met an amateur music producer in the Bay Area (near-ish to San Francisco). He has since become my songwriting partner. I write the lyrics, he writes the music. And he’s become a dear friend. I am certain we never would have met him if I had not started saying yes. As a creative person, I have found that it is imperative for my mental health and well-being to find ways to fill my proverbial creative cup. As I have told this friend so many times, our weekly songwriting sessions fill said cup in the most beautiful and unexpected ways. Maybe those songs will never see the light of day. Maybe they will. I don’t know. But writing them has been a catharsis, and turning a blinking cursor on an otherwise blank page into actual *music* has been beyond rewarding. 

And with each yes, I would encounter 1000 reasons and excuses why I should have said no and why I should continue saying no. But I did not. I do not. I have kept saying yes. And the more I have said yes, the more I have realized that doors can only open when you’re willing to unlock them.

Self-doubt can be a plague: it can overtake everything that is good in your life and make you question everything you know to be true about yourself. Forcing myself to say yes and holding myself accountable has helped combat said plague. I’m human; I will probably always have some self-doubt. But learning to trust myself by honoring my agreement with myself to say yes has done wonders for my self-esteem. And out of all the myriad benefits I have reaped from my year of yes, learning to trust myself and re-learning to love myself have been by far the most valuable and the most important.

7 Things to Help you Build Your YES Life

And finally, say YES to a styling session with the Capretto Girl herself, Leigh! Email me at caprettogirl@gmail.com to get started!

And already, Capretto Girl has created new friendships and so much more certainty in my path and my purpose. 

About a year ago, in November 2020, I was visiting Miami, the city in which I grew up, from San Diego, the city in which I had lived for the previous 12 years, when I drove through the town of South Miami and passed the old Capretto Shoes, my mother’s shoe store in South Miami that had closed in 2019. The iconic space was still vacant. My heart broke seeing the “For Lease” sign in the window. And I had what I thought was an “aha” moment: I would reopen the beloved store! 

This set in motion months of planning and hard work and expenses, and ultimately led to my moving back to Miami in April 2021, with the goal of reopening Capretto. Alas, fate had other plans, as she often does, and 8 months after that fateful drive down Sunset Drive, for multiple reasons, I decided it was not the right time to open a brick and mortar store and I needed to pivot. So I did. 

After much soul-searching, and after conferring with experts and friends, the idea for the current iteration of Capretto, Caprettogirl, was born. I love this project. I am so proud of it. My hope is that with a sprinkle of love, a dash of compassion, a pinch of understanding, and just a splash of nuance, perhaps we all can become Capretto girls.

Caprettogirl is more than an Instagram page, a website, and a blog (and other exciting launches coming soon – stay tuned!) — it is a community, a safe space, and a forever evolving conversation. I think of myself as a storyteller and a moment collector. Let’s tell our stories. Let’s collect moments. Together. 

But in the meantime: read on! Follow me! Comment. Like. Save. Share. Be a part of this community. Your feedback is so important to me and both values and valuable. So let me know what you think!

For all things fashion, lifestyle, beauty, wellness, food, fitness, travel, love, sex, relationships, and fun, join me. Capretto was always a community first and foremost. Caprettogirl will be the same. 

Introduce yourself. Let’s start a conversation. I cannot wait to meet (or re-meet!) you all. 

xo Leigh